Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Top Ten Films They Should Have Made Blogfest


You’ve watched the films and laughed, cried, or cringed at the casting agents’ choices. You’ve thrown popcorn at the screen and shouted, "Why?". Well the day has arrived where you get to sack the casting agent and by the magic of CGI, morph your own choices into those offending film roles. You are the director today.

Here is my alternate list, in no particular order. It should not be taken too seriously or pinched for future Oscar glory. Anyone wishing to buy casting rights for a film remake, please contact my agent.


1. Tom Cruise as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. Well he is short enough, isn’t he?

2. William Shatner as Dr. Ross Jennings in Arachnophobia. I know what you’re thinking – he already made Kingdom of the Spiders, so why make another spider film? Did you see Kingdom of the Spiders? Nobody . . .can . . .act . . .with spiders . . .the way Shatner . . .can.

3. David Caruso as Searle in Sunshine. The role involved spending a lot of time looking at the Sun and Mr. Caruso is never without sunglasses. I rest my case.

4. Bubbles as the monkeys in Twelve Monkeys. There were supposed to be twelve monkeys. Where were the monkeys?

5. Celine Dion as Rose DeWitt Bukater in Titanic. Whilst not an actress, she did go on and on and on and on and on and on and . . .somebody give her the damn role already.

6. Morgan Freeman as the President in 2012. The casting of Danny Glover as the President in 2012 has to be one of the worst casting decisions ever, and I mean ever. Morgan Freeman has already played the President in Deep Impact, so it should be an easy swap for the CGI techs.

7. Steve Buscemi as Spiderman. I know what you’re thinking – why hasn’t she cast William Shatner in the role? I was tempted, but Mr. Shatner is getting on a wee bit and I don’t think the Lycra suit will do anything for his . . .err . . .robust figure. Anyway, who says all superheroes need chiselled good looks; they cast Toby Maguire, didn’t they? Steve Buscemi is one of my favourite actors, and I can just imagine the unique and sardonic take he’d bring to the role.

8. Sylvester Stallone as Rocky in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Okay. I’m reaching. Have you any idea how hard it is thinking of ten? Whose stupid idea was this blogfest? Me? Oops. Sorry.

9. Nicole Kidman as Dorothy in the remake The Wizard of Oz. This was the LSO’s contribution (those of you who know I have a phobia of the wizard film will know I’m being truthful). Anyway, if they ever remade the film his reasoning for casting her is that she’s from Oz. Oh, dear.

10. With Clint Eastwood already part of the cast, I wanted to see John Wayne, Charles Bronson, and Henry Fonda join him as the Space Cowboys. Unfortunately a couple of them were dead, which kind of made it impossible. But if they could grow those Avatar bodies in space . . .


So, there you have it – my Top Ten Films They Should Have Made list. Hopefully, you applauded my casting genius and are busy calling the major studios to let them know a new player is in town. Actually, I’m just hoping I gave you something to laugh at.

Do you agree with any of my choices or are you spitting venomous fury at my impertinence? It’s not too late to come up with your own top ten, just post your list and use the linky below to broadcast your brilliant choices.


29 comments:

  1. Hi Ellie, Thanks for running this. My contribution is here, http://www.danploy.com/diary.htm#The%20Top%20Ten%20Films%20they%20should%20have%20made

    Sorry I didn't write why, I hope it is clear. Nano thingy is taking too much of my time (with my day job as well).

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  2. LOL! Interesting choices. Alot of those films I've not actually seen. Tom Cruise is too confident for a hobbit. I didn't quite have 10 and I cheated (sheepish smile inserted here)and now I can't edit the post because it's playing up. :O)

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  3. interesting... rocky played by the character rocky or the other way around...

    is it too late to join. i will have a list up soon!

    iZombie

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  4. Your list was great. I don't think I'd see any of the new films though. You picked so many actors I dislike which of course made it so funny. It was hard getting ten.

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  5. Excellent choices! I selected a few serious ones but went for laughs as well.

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  6. DanPloy - I know what you mean about Nano taking up too much time, so don't worry about not listing your reasons.

    Madeleine - LOL. I think you're right about Tom Cruise.

    iZombie - it's not too late! You can link any time.

    Nessa - LOL. It's funny how tastes in actors vary.

    Alex J. Cavanaugh - I'll be stopping by your blog shortly.

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  7. I think if anyone should have played Frodo in The Lord Of The Rings, it should have been me.

    I have hairy feet.

    Here's my list

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  8. Dave - could you send me a photograph, for casting purposes? I just want to check your feet meet the hairiness quota before emailing Peter Jackson.

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  9. Well it's not from the best angle, but my hairy plates of meat can be seen here.

    I look forward to hearing from Peter.

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  10. LOL, I only knew half of the people you were talking about and believe it or not I have never seen the "Rocky Horror Picture Show"

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  11. I think they should have cast Troy from community as Spiderman.

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  12. SYLVESTER STALLONE IN SUSPENDERS as Rocky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Now that is just genius.

    Take care
    x

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  13. Dave - LOL. You're keen!

    Summer Ross - never seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show?! You must see it. That's an order. LOL.

    Budd - you'll have to elaborate; I don't know who Troy is.

    Old Kitty - LOL. Thank you!

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  14. After having watched the Lord of the Rings SOOO many times I don't think I can ever imagine anyone other than Elijah Wood as Frodo!!

    But I agree with the Morgan Freeman one :-)

    PS. left you a blog award on my blog...

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  15. Hahaha! I will, from now on, always see Tom Cruise as Frodo. It would suit him perfectly!

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  16. Rachel - thank you for my award!

    Talli - LOL. Glad you agree.

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  17. Fantastic blogfest girl! This is awesome!!!

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  18. That was one interesting list. The Tom Cruise casting was perfect!

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  19. Liked your list Ellie, my list is up for all the world to see. I don't think I followed your instructions as per how you wanted. But go have a look and let me know.

    Oh, I could only come up with Se7en entries, I just seemed to run out of time.

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  20. LOVE your choices!! You had me laughing out loud :)

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  21. Oh, Ellie, you had me at "he is short enough"! LOL These cracked me up, and I mean really, really cracked me up. You're a hoot!

    I'm ashamed that I signed up to do this and then couldn't manage it. Bit off more than I could chew. Life and Nano overtook me, I'm afraid. Cast me in Janine Turner's role in Cliffhanger and then toss me off the mountain...I deserve no less. Promise to come through next time.

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  22. Nicole Kidman could play any role as far as I'm concerned. Even a zombie!

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  23. Melissa - thank you!

    Ann - I thought so. LOL. Glad you enjoyed it.

    Bill - Off to visit your blog now. Thanks for taking part.

    Jemi - thank you! That was my intention.

    Lisa Ricard Claro - that's okay. Don't worry about not taking part. When I thought up the blogfest I never considered for one minute I and lots of others would be doing nano. Ah, how times change. You made me laugh with the Cliffhanger bit, though.

    Stephen Tremp - LOL. Do you have a thing for Nicole by any chance?

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  24. bubbles... i just like bubbles, saying bubbles... typing bubbles... playing with bubbles. referencing your 12 monkeys and bubbles...

    had a nice time... being part of the blog-festival...
    :)
    jeremy

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  25. iZombie - I've said it before but you do make me laugh. Thank you!

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  26. You made me laugh for sure! Have a great weekend...

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  27. Sharon K. Mayhew - thank you. You too!

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