Sunday, 9 January 2011

Now Showing Blogfest

My friend and fellow writer Madeleine is hosting the Now Showing Blogfest, where your challenge is to convert one or more telling phrases into a SHOWING passage with more detail and impact.

I really enjoyed this challenge, though I do feel like I've just completed a piece of homework and I'm now awaiting my grade! Here are the four I chose:

1. S/he cried.

Her knees gave way and she crumpled to the floor, gasping for breath. A single word escaped between each sob. "Why?"

2. S/he felt sick.

He stared at the scene before him - a scattering of blood-red theatre paint covering the bodies of his wife and daughter - and a surge of bile forced itself towards his throat.

3. S/he was cold.

Nothing could penetrate his frozen skin, not even the foil blanket the paramedics placed around him, and he shuddered in the early morning air.

4. S/he was angry.

She looked into the eyes of her one-time husband and father of her three children and began beating her fists against his lifeless body. "How could you?" she screamed.


So how did I do? Visit Madeleine's blog to view other entrants and to sign up.

16 comments:

  1. Yay!!!! What fabulous and vivid and emotive and utterly yummy expansions of bland phrases!!! Well done you! Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete
  2. These were fantastic and #4 wrenched my heart!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow I loved them all. My favourite was the first, it put a lump in my throat. I found the words 'theatre paint' detracted from the horror of the second one, though I loved the rest of that sentence. You definitely get an 'A' Ellie. :O)

    ReplyDelete
  4. These are all so powerful, I particularly like the first one, it's all encompassing.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Those are all wonderful! I'd say you did a fabulous job with them. I liked your take on the "sick" one - my head went straight to the flu... And I loved that you put a little mystery in each one - I wanted to know more!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Number 3 sounds so cold.

    Great sentences!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well done - those are terrific! #4 is really vivid.

    ReplyDelete
  8. These are excellent Ellie - can I take notes?!

    I only did one - was I supposed to do four? :O

    Thanks for signing up to my No Fear Blogfest

    :Dom

    ReplyDelete
  9. Great sentences! Sounds like a fun blogfest.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Old Kitty - bless you. Thank you!

    The Words Crafter - thank you!

    Madeleine - aah . . .I got an A. Thank you! Yes. I think you are spot-on with the theatre paint comment - now that I read it back, it doesn't make a lot of sense in the context of the sentence.

    Margo - thank you!

    Donea Lee - thank you! After reading your comment about the sick one, I realised I did it wrong. I based mine on S/he was cold, but it should have been S/he had a cold. Oh, well. Glad you liked them, though.

    Chantal - thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Alex J. Cavanaugh - thank you!

    The Golden Eagle - thank you!

    Jemi Fraser - thank you! Glad you like them.

    Dominic de Mattos - thank you! When I first started writing, the phrase 'show, not tell' terrified me. Still does, actually. LOL. You didn't have to do more than one for the blogfest - Madeleine said one or more.

    Can't wait for your blogfest!

    alexia - thank you! You should have a go.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I absolutely loved your examples. They were inspiring. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Very descriptive. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete

I love comments. They make my day!