It's happened again - The Writer has gone AWOL. So, my friends, it's been left up to me - The Laptop - to honour her commitment to the Bernard Pivot Blogfest. It's a hard life but someone has to do it.
I'm not sure who Bernard Pivot is but the wonderful Nicole Ducleroir (and her awesome computer) are celebrating 500 followers and have asked us to answer a series of questions. Now normally I prefer talking about html, motherboards, and sound cards, but I think I can give it a go.
1. What is your favourite word?
Shut Down. Okay, that's actually two. But I sometimes wonder if The Writer will ever give me a break. There should laws against overworking a laptop.
2. What is your least favourite word?
Apple. Acer. Hewlett Packard.
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Just press the button below the screen and I'll do anything you want, baby. Actually, scrap that answer. I do have standards, you know.
4. What turns you off?
Who wrote these questions? Come on Bernard; point the mouse and click on shut down. Haven't I gone over this already?
5. What is your favourite curse word?
S**t. I hear it a lot.
6. What sound or noise do you love?
The sound of The Writers fingers caressing my keys, but not all night. There's only so long a laptop can keep it up.
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
A boiling kettle. What is it with writers and coffee? It's a hot liquid. Just one drop could render me useless. Have they no common sense?
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I've always wanted to be on television and did once apply for a job on the six o'clock news. Unfortunately, I didn't have the necessary qualifications - a degree in Media Studies and a wireless mouse are the minimum requirements. The laptop they are currently using is a professor!
9. What profession would you not like to do?
The editor's laptop at some big fashion magazine. Do you know how harsh they can be? One mistake and I'd be out.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Welcome to Heaven Laptop, where there are infinite de-frags and constant upgrades. You'll never be outdated again.
So, there you have it. I've stepped in and saved the day, again. When The Writer can drag herself away from the day job, I'm expecting at least a 1GB of extra memory. Don't forget to visit all the other computers entering the blogfest - they need love too.